As I prepare for this trip
and realize that I have no idea what I am doing. That I am forging into waters not
traveled previously by anyone in my family. It takes me back to my childhood.
I was 9 years old when my mom stepped into the rooms of recovery. Completely
changing the trajectory of our family. I remember being totally resentful. I
mean, while we were completely dysfunctional, it was also completely normal to
us. To our family. My dad, my brother and I gave her such a hard time for it. But
she just kept going. Kept seeking out truth, pursuing something she unknown
because she knew that there had to be more to life than that what we were
doing. She was a pioneer. She was walking over mountains and through deep
valleys following after a calling from God. A whisper of Hope.
Over the past 24 years I
have become very grateful she did. Despite how hard her family was on her, or
how lonely the journey was, or how messy it was or is. Because she choose to
obey, and walk forward, even by herself, I knew where to go for help in my
darkest hour of despair. She allowed God to open doors for our family that
would take us from surviving in life, to thriving in life.
Today, as I start a journey
for my family and having literally no idea what I am doing, I find myself far
beyond gratitude for her journey. I haven't been “on mission" before. I'm
not educated in these things. I have no "experience". I am going
forward blind, over mountains and through valleys. Sometimes alone, sometimes
afraid, but I keep pressing on, pressing into God, because I know that I am
following after God and his desire for our lives.
One of my many prayers for this
trip is for my daughters. My prayer is that the legacy I create goes far beyond
them. That they would live in a way that
brings life to others and that it would be imbedded in who they are, and not
just what they do. That their hearts
would break for the things that break Gods heart and that they would be global
game changers because of it.
This weekend was an incredible weekend to be at Lakeside Church. What a wonderful teaching from Hosanna & Brad. I've been thinking a lot about it this week and here's what I've got...
We studied Luke 24 JESUS HAS RISEN! I don't want to quote it word for word, the truth is if you're really interested you'll pick up your Bible or Google it. I promise you wont be disappointed :) Brad focused on verses 13-35, the road to Emmaus. Verse 25 just slapped me in the face! “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” You're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about. If you've been following this blog, you know that I've hit a few road blocks with my immunizations. All day I've been thinking about how I'm going to be able to pay for these shots. I leave in 6 weeks and I have to fork out a few hundred dollars for them and I'm still raising money for me to be able to go on this trip. Seriously Satan....you're a tool! Haha ok back on track...A dear friend of mine who has been encouraging of this trip from the beginning reached out to me today to talk me through it. I sometimes don't feel worthy of this persons friendship. Remember all of this and skip forward a few hours to Engage College Young Adult group tonight....
While listening to Sean's message about Engaging with God, I come across this quote from Mother Teresa: "Each person you meet is Jesus in disguise."
If you're like me, you're probably wondering what the heck Mother Teresa meant when she said this. I mean really...in every person you meet? Sounds kind of silly. So this friend of mine approaches me after our group meeting to check in on me. There is so much peace, comfort, and wisdom in his words. I go to leave and he shakes my hand...I look down and there's money....in my hands...money for my shots...in my hands. Are you getting it now?!?!
I am a fool! I have been slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken! He has a plan for me, plans to prosper and not harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. My dear friend...you were Jesus in disguise for me tonight. I had doubts and you came to me like Jesus came to the men on the road. Who am I to doubt God? As Andre has told me, I put God in a box. I put limits on who he was and what he could do when umm duh God created the box. There are no limits!!!! So I have a question for those who are skeptics...How can you not believe?!
God thank you for your never ending blessings, thank you for challenging me, thank you for my difficult moments, thank you for your love <3
THE END! PS. I'M GOING TO ETHIOPIA AHHHHHHHHHH
Kristin
The last few weeks have been such a roller coaster. I've experienced some of the biggest highs and what felt like the lowest of lows. When we began this journey, a major concern for some was finances. That was the least of my worries because I knew God would provide for me. I have never been more confident in anything in my life but this I knew. I was right, God has completely 100% provided for me. Although I haven't reached the $2900 mark yet, friends and family have been reaching out to support through donations, prayer, and items for our garage sale. I couldn't be luckier to have such amazing people in my life.
This trip couldn't be a walk in the park though. That would be too easy! Although God is SO good. There is an evil that has tried to take this trip from me. He's tried to get into my heart and make me believe that this trip wont be possible for me. If you know me, you know that when I've reached what I think is my limit, I just cry. So that's what I've done...CRIED! Like a baby. My parents work full time and have great jobs and great insurance, so my immunizations should totally be covered right?! I go to my DR at UC Davis (I love UC Davis but right now you're killing me...seriously!) and she pretty much hands me the handout I already have with all of my immunizations that I need and says that she's going to refer me to a travel clinic. This may sound normal except 2 other people in my group go to UC Davis as well and were able to get their shots through their Primary Care Doctors! Makes no sense! In the meantime I get some blood work done and schedule another appointment to get my shots. THEN my mom sends me a a text saying our Insurance doesn't cover my immunizations for International travel!!!! I am now back at square 1 and I leave in less than 7 weeks. So what did I do?! I cried!
Like clockwork, my best friend, who is probably one of the top 3 most amazing people on this planet, calls me. I think she senses when I'm about to make bad decisions (like call off this trip because I'm so frustrated!) because she always comes to my rescue. She has this incredibly comforting way about her where I literally just want to live in her pocket because I know she's safe. She tells me that I have to go because she just donated $100 to my trip. I CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Erin McMackin, you are my sister! I love you! Then I go to check the mail and I have something from Julie & Rocky Armstrong (They are family friends and their son used to play soccer with my brother Brandon) and it's a check for $100! I CRY AGAIN!
I still haven't gotten this immunization thing figured out and I'm pretty sure I have a few more crying episodes in my near future but God always provides and he showed me that today. I have an amazing travel group who always pick me up when I feel like I have nothing left. I have the worlds best best friend, the most thoughtful, caring, encouraging friends, and a family that supports me 100%. However, I have to trust him and put all of my faith in him. This is so hard for me to do because I'm a control freak but I have to do it. I found a few good reminders on Pinterest. Maybe they will help you the way they're helping me.
<3 Kristin
